Tea Ski - Mitch Hedberg
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作曲 : Mitch Hedberg
You know I read last year that MTV’s Real world has 40,000 applications. That’s amazing man. Such an even number, shit. The guiness book of world records was just listed in the Guiness book of world records for being the book that has the most world records in it. Some guy laughed at that pretty hard. Me and that dude are hanging hard. I got a jump rope, that things just a rope, you gotta make the jump thing happen. This is smart ass over there. I had piece of carefree sugarless gum, and I still worried. It never kicked in. I took it back to the store and was like “bullshit” Hey if you have dentures, do not use artificial sweetener because you will get a fake cavity. I can read minds, but it’s pointless because I’m illiterate. I know what you’re thinking if I could read. Haha, I tried to add on to that joke. I asked directions to this store, this guy was like “oh it’s just a hop jump and skip away” Well that’s not how I’m getting there. Do you have directions for people who are walking? I like it when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. Cause that’s weird, it means that the movie isn’t a real story, just inspired by one. “Hey Mitch you hear about that woman who drove her children into a river and they all drowned” “yes I did and inspired me to write a movie about a gorilla” I wrote down Tea Ski, what the **** kind of joke is that. Tea Ski, what the ****. Oh Yeah. I want to go to like a lake, and put tea bags in there, like a hundred of them for like a week. And then I’m gonna Tea ski. Yeah man. I’m sick of seeing squirrels on water skis. Better get off the water sports dude, winter is approaching. Better bury some walnuts. Or acorns, **** I ****ed up. Acorns those little nuts with the cap. Acors those little nuts in the winter. They have a hat on, a little beanie. How come we dn’t eat acorns, they’re a nut, right. We eat walnuts and almonds.
You know I read last year that MTV’s Real world has 40,000 applications. That’s amazing man. Such an even number, shit. The guiness book of world records was just listed in the Guiness book of world records for being the book that has the most world records in it. Some guy laughed at that pretty hard. Me and that dude are hanging hard. I got a jump rope, that things just a rope, you gotta make the jump thing happen. This is smart ass over there. I had piece of carefree sugarless gum, and I still worried. It never kicked in. I took it back to the store and was like “bullshit” Hey if you have dentures, do not use artificial sweetener because you will get a fake cavity. I can read minds, but it’s pointless because I’m illiterate. I know what you’re thinking if I could read. Haha, I tried to add on to that joke. I asked directions to this store, this guy was like “oh it’s just a hop jump and skip away” Well that’s not how I’m getting there. Do you have directions for people who are walking? I like it when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. Cause that’s weird, it means that the movie isn’t a real story, just inspired by one. “Hey Mitch you hear about that woman who drove her children into a river and they all drowned” “yes I did and inspired me to write a movie about a gorilla” I wrote down Tea Ski, what the **** kind of joke is that. Tea Ski, what the ****. Oh Yeah. I want to go to like a lake, and put tea bags in there, like a hundred of them for like a week. And then I’m gonna Tea ski. Yeah man. I’m sick of seeing squirrels on water skis. Better get off the water sports dude, winter is approaching. Better bury some walnuts. Or acorns, **** I ****ed up. Acorns those little nuts with the cap. Acors those little nuts in the winter. They have a hat on, a little beanie. How come we dn’t eat acorns, they’re a nut, right. We eat walnuts and almonds.
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